The psychology of love: how to interpret partner emotions correctly

Emotions play an important role in communication. Learning to understand the feelings of others helps to maintain love. How can I learn this? Psychologists' advice.

A smile on our lips, gentle touches or crossed arms, or even a mockingly crooked mouth - facial expressions and body language often say more about our emotional state than words. The correct interpretation of emotions is the basis for communication, especially with life partners. Its importance is also demonstrated by a study conducted by psychologists from universities in the American Rochester and Canadian Toronto. Scientists have set themselves the goal of finding out under what circumstances a relationship benefits from the correct interpretation of a partner's emotions.

How best to get out of the conflict

They concluded that couples who are able to recognize the so-called peaceful emotions are happier. Psychologists refer to these emotions as shame or feelings of guilt. “Those who try to calm down or hide their shame make it clear to their partner that the other’s feelings are important to them,” says Bonnie Lee, study author and assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rochester.

Even the happiest couples cannot do without conflict. In disputes with partners, there are two possibilities. The first is to signal confidence in your righteousness through anger and contempt. Second, if you show shame or guilt, you are making a non-verbal attempt to correct the situation.

Emotion-oriented communication

If you do this, it indicates that you are working on your relationship with your partner. "Empathy is very important. If I interpret my partner's emotions correctly, I can choose my expressions more carefully," says Dirk Eilert, a German expert on emotional intelligence. In this case, it matters not only how correctly the words are selected, but also at what moment they are pronounced. “Emotional communication works well because the partner is better able to follow our words and absorb information. In addition, he feels that he is being treated with respect,” says Aylert. In the end, in communication it is important not only to convey your message, but also to correctly perceive the interlocutor's reaction.

Dear, change for the better

Another result of the study surprised psychologists. The very feeling of negative emotions, like anger or contempt, is bad for a relationship. They undermine faith in a stable joint future. Couples in which one partner experiences these feelings are usually more unhappy, Bonnie Lee points out, whether or not the emotions were correctly decoded. "Disgust and contempt create alienation from each other. It is a reaction of the mental immune system," says Eilert. If these emotions become habitual in communication, then they may indicate that your union will soon fall apart.

Scientists wanted to learn more about how the ability to perceive emotions correctly affects the desire to conform to the ideas of a partner. To do this, they asked study participants to formulate what they would like to change in the partner's behavior, for example, so that he curbs his temperament. Then they had to describe their own perception of the partner's emotions and assess the quality of the relationship, as well as indicate whether they are ready to follow the wishes addressed to them and correct their behavior.

As a result, it turned out that if a person knows how to correctly interpret the emotions of a partner, then his willingness to change something in himself for the sake of another is no higher. But those who formulate their wishes with a degree of embarrassment have more chances to be heard. "By doing this, a person signals that he understands that his desire for change can hurt a partner, but he is ready to discuss this with him and invest in improving the relationship," says American psychologist Bonnie Lee.

Why we have forgotten how to recognize emotions

According to her German colleague Eilert, the population's emotion recognition rate is less than 60 percent. This is the result of an experiment in which 2000 participants were shown photographs of people with facial expressions that are understandable in different cultures, and asked to interpret their facial expressions. "More than every other facial expression has been misinterpreted," says Eilert.

The reasons are different. The use of electronic means of communication is negatively affected. "Today it is the norm - to look more into a smartphone than to peer into people's faces," sums up Dirk Fjlert. We are less and less puzzling the brain with the correct interpretation of facial expressions and emotions, and this skill is gradually lost.

Education also plays a role. "Especially in childhood, we are able to recognize emotions in the form of facial expressions and gestures," says Eilert. “But parenting spoils the perception.” The classic situation: parents quarrel, the child asks why. “Instead of honestly, parents often say:“ We do not quarrel, we argue, ”explains Eulert. Thus, the correct interpretation is replaced with the wrong one for the child. Another reason lies in the high status of the language in society. "We forget that a person initially communicated on a non-verbal level. In childhood, we focus on gestures and body language, and over time we rely more on words," the expert emphasizes. Therefore, he recommends that when meeting with friends or your passion, leave your mobile phone in your pocket and carefully look into their faces.

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